I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
