I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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