My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
