can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
