Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
