After last night, I could never be a politician.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
