Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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