So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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