god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
