Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
