i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
