my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
