Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
