you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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