Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
