Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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