dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
