Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
