O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
