Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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