oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
