he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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