I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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