Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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