4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
