one might say we're banned from that church
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
