I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
