look no pants
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
