Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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