ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
