I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
