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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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