I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
