dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
