yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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