It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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