Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
