guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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