Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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