hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
