Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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