I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
