So drunk its hurt
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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