I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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