I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
