he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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