It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
