Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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