I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
