i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
